Planning For Failure

It’s been a couple of years, or more, since I got really sick, from a previous position of being unwell. While I have made considerable improvement, not being stuck in bed 24/7,  we’re living with a new pattern of illness. I now find I can suddenly take a turn for the worse, even within the space of one day, and not be able to do simple things such as feed the pets, bath, or get myself a simple lunch. The length of time these major episodes last is also unpredictable.

What we’re doing now is trying to plan as much as possible for these ‘outages’. Starting with food, as my husband can be working a 6 day week at present, so I have to fend for myself and he needs food too, at work and after. We’re trying to keep the costs down, having takeaways, and him buying sandwiches, just isn’t sustainable in terms of money, or health. We’ve also wasted a lot of food when I’ve suddenly become unable to prep fresh produce and we’ve had a fridge full vegetables and salad.

We’re still working all this out and I plan to blog what we do. I do own more than one slow cooker and one of them is huge. On a good day I may be able to make one slow cooker full of stuff that can be frozen in batches. My husband is also looking at ways we can be more efficient. Not least because there have been a few occasions where I’ve ended up not being able to get meals and living on breakfast biscuits til he gets home. I’m sure I’m not the only spoonie (person living with a debilitating chronic illness) who’s had to do this. While they are very handy, they’re not something I’d like to be eating twice daily long term. So, that’s where we’re at now. I’ll keep you posted as to how we get on.

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Non-achievement

I’m not always able to achieve my goals, or finish what I set out to do. It took a long time, but I am learning to be OK with that. I still set goals, but I don’t have the expectation that I will always get to do what I want, when I want to, or finish what I have started. Living with an unpredictable condition means I’ve have had to practice patience, whether I want to or not. One of the benefits of this is I have started to pay more attention to the journey, to what I am doing right now. Over the last week or two I’ve swept the path in the garden every day, in itself an achievement as I haven’t been able to do this for a long time. I really paid attention to doing it and the sounds, sights and smells around me, rather than fixating on the end goal, getting it done. I still got it done, but I felt a lot more fulfilled and actually nourished by the experience. I suppose in essence this is what mindfulness is, being mindful, having full attention, on what you’re doing.